Epitaph
by Psycho Maddy
Summary: Following the season finale.I've just seen it.I know you guys don't need that but I had to.JIBBS


A/N: I've already cried much more than I thought I could but still need some time to get over it. I cried a lot while writing this.Actually,more than a lot.I have no experience so...be nice?The end is kind of left open because it had to stop there...Got the title from another song.It's called Epitáfio and haven't used it because it's in Portuguese but it's beautiful!

Disclaimer:Nothing is mine.The song is Lara Fabian's Love by Grace

**Epitaph**

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat in his basement.The room had always been quite and he'd liked it that way.But not now.Not today.He tried to find a word to express what he was feeling but none seemed to work.Was life meant to be this complicated or was it just that he couldn't get it right?He wanted to headslap himself but his body had its own plans and moving wasn't on the list.Why did he have to survive?How many more people he would have to see dead before his own turn?

He sighed deeply.His lungs weren't exactly cooperating.He finally understood the meaning of somatization.Pain had never been so welcomed.He wanted to feel it,every little symptom.If he was lucky,his heart would give up beating because it had already given up on living.

The bottle stared at him.No,it wasn't empty.It stood there.Untouched.And he had every intention to keep it that way.He had taken it from her house along with a few things.Too few for his own good.It didn't make sense.Wasn't fair either.Franks had said she was protecting him.It sounded so incredibly absurd!He didn't care about a future. He had been through too much battles, knew too much about life to expect it to be any different from that moment on.If he could only see her smile once more...

A lifetime ago he had lost his daughter and his wife.He loved them.He still used to dig into his memories,afraid they would desappear.They didn't but started to fade away.It was harder to remember the little details.It had hurt like nothing ever before.But it was not the same.He'd kept Kelly's toys,old photographs from the three of them.He could only describe what he felt when he realized he'd probably not be able to do the same thing now as desperation.It was an unknown sensation.He prayed for never forgetting her, promised himself not to let her fade away too.He'd take a page out of her book for that one.She'd always keep her promises.

"Jen,Jennifer..." his words stuck in his throat and soon the tears came. Furious,demanding,merciless.

_I remember the rain on the roof that morning  
And all the things that I wanted to say  
The angry words that came from nowhere without warning  
That stole the moment and sent me away  
And you standing there at the doorway crying  
And me wondering if I'd ever be back_

He allowed himself to cry.Every nerve in his body concentrated on that.Endless flashbacks played in his head and he cried.Cried when remembering their reunion after six years, cried for letting her go for the first time, cried for going to Mexico and leaving her with nothing else than The Frog to think about.Cried for not showing her how much he had worried when she got kidnapped.

They had lived like there would always be a tomorrow.But tomorrow hadn't come this time.It was painful and he'd cry until there were no tears left or he drowned in them.

He tightened his hold on the gun.It had never hurt so much.He loved her.LOVED HER!What the hell was he suppose to do now?Of all people, he couldn't have lost her.Not the love of his life.The tears were somehow comforting.She deserved every single of them.

Gibbs didn't heard the footsteps descending the stairs.Mike surprised him and he woud have startled but only looked confused.His boss didn't say anything but handed him a piece of paper.He grabbed it with shaken hands.

"We didn't have time to find an envelope.She knew what was going to happen and asked me..." Mike's voice trailled off and he avoided Gibbs eyes "She was a great woman.I admire her.

Gibbs nodded.Speaking was impossible right now.He brushed the tears and searched for his glasses.It reminded him of all the times he had used hers instead and he had to stop the tears.

_I said I didn't come here to leave you  
I didn't come here to lose  
I didn't come here believing I would ever be  
away from you  
I didn't come here to find out  
There's a weakness in my faith  
I was brought here by the power of love  
Love by grace_

It wasn't a long letter,just a small piece of paper and he couldn't help but notice that there were stains.Red stains.Blood stains.Her blood.A sob came naturally.IT WAS NOT SUPPOSE TO BE LIKE THAT!

_Dear Jethro,_

_I've tried to do this before but I feel it must be my last opportunity.There is so many things left unspoken between us,Jethro.I've never let you know how much you meant to me, how much I cared about,how much I loved you..._

_A lifetime ago, I thought I was doing the best for me but now I know that YOU had always been the best for me._

_Don't blame yourself.You're right,I'm ill.You're the only reason I hadn't given on everything else yet and I will do everything that is humanly possible to save you. _

_You gave me a reason to live and right now, I choose to believe that there is some sort of life after death and that I will be able to see you again._

_Do not forget that I love you.I always will,no matter where I am.I'm yours and nothing's gonna change that._

_Forever yours,_

_Jen_

He didn't think he would ever stop crying.His eyes wre burning but the tears kept on falling.He wish he could have said to her that he loved her.More than he loved himself,more than he had loved anybody else in his life.She had chosen the very words he wished he could have spoken.And she died alone...not only physically but in every aspect.He'd regret it for the rest of his existence.

"I love you too Jen...more than I could express" the words were whispered and he started to cry again.

_And I remember the road just went on forever  
Just couldn't seem to turn that car around  
_

_'Till in the distance like a long lost treasure  
A phone booth that just could not be found  
And you standing there at the doorway waiting  
And the moment when we laid back down_

He remembered standing at her dooway.She had been so sincere and he's turned her down.Of course he didn't plan it to be his last chance...

"She wanted another chance,Mike.And me..." his looked broken,vunerable, taking deep breaths.

_That was just a moment in time  
And one we'll never forget  
One we can leave behind  
'Cause when there was doubt  
You'll remember I said_

"She missed us,Mike. And I said no.I said no,Mike.I..." his face was red,his body trembling.Franks couldn't help his own couple of tears.He noticed Gibbs still had the gun in his hand.He took one of Gibbs' hands, opened it, put something there and closed it.

"She died for you,fighted for you.Think about that before you make your decision." He said and walked away.

Gibbs stared at his now stretched hand.A ring and a chain.He'd seen the ring before but not what was on the inside of it.Two intertwineded Js.

_I didn't come here believing I would ever be away from you  
I didn't come here to find out  
There's a weakness in my faith  
I was brought here by the power of love_

He positioned the gun,put his finger on the trigger.

_I was brought here by the power of love_

Maybe he was dreaming but he suddenly could smell her perfume.It was very real.And he felt he was being hugged.Like she was there.She was there.

Reassuring him that no matter what, they would always have each other.

"Jen,is that you?...I love you.I love you..."

_Love by grace_

The End


End file.
